How life brought you to the dharma?
Actually am sure it was many lives that were in play.
This life, already I had been introduced to the idea of reincarnation as a child, by my beloved grandmother, Bernardine Szold. She had travelled to the East in the 30’s and was enthralled by Eastern religions. She lived in Shanghai for 12 years and I enjoyed the 3 foot statue of Lao Tzu in her entranceway. She and I used to do yoga together and she’d consult the I Ching when in doubt about decisions and we would read passages from a little book with sayings by Lau Tzu.
When in southern Spain, as a hippy travelling family, she sent me Be Here Now, a book included in Ram Dass’s (Richard Alpert) collection. She was in contact with him through Laura Huxley, wife of Aldous, who I had visited a few times. Laura sent her the book which my grandmother forwarded to me. One section described Ram Dass’s meeting with his Hindu guru, Neem Karoli Baba, then his meditation experiences and life changes. While reading this part, I had a somewhat transcendental experience that I’ve not recovered from to this day LOL. From that time on all I could think about was a spiritual path, although I didn’t yet know which one was my destiny. I could no longer fully relate to the hippy love of getting stoned, enjoying picnics with folks ‘playing’ bongos and recorders while diving into the food.
We then spent the winter in Corfu where I was absorbed into the books of a beautiful Hindu guru, Meher Baba. At one point he said, “reading books isn’t enough. You need a living guru. India is the spiritual mother of the world’. When Lawrence (father of my son, Wangchuk) returned from a walk, I said, ‘we’re going to India’. This was in 1971.
We travelled the ‘hippy trail’ in one of the ever-resent VW vans, travelling overland through Yugoslavia, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and finally…India! But on the way to Kabul, the van crashed into a pot hole and we lost most of everything.
I had planned to go to Meher Baba’s ashram in Poona, but one evening, while in a ganga smoke-filled room with fellow travelers, I suddenly remembered a recent dream where Meher Baba told me not to get another car and to sell our possessions. We found some German travelers on their way to… Dharamsala…in their ever present VW van. While we were resting a couple days in the amazingly beautiful Golden Temple in Amritsar, I consulted the I Ching about whether we should find our way to Poona or continue on to Dharamsala with our German friends.
All three of us came down with hepatitis, a serendipitous cause for us to stay longer in McLeod Ganj. While enjoying tea is the only Tibetan restaurant that existed at that time, a fly landed in someone’s tea. One fellow quickly said, ‘poor fly!’…a reaction I had never experienced before. He told me he was studying Tibetan Buddhism at ‘the Library’. I was totally pulled to try one of the classes with Geshe Ngawang Dargye, that was on a chapter from Lamp of the Path, after which I was again ‘transported’, and somehow felt I had come home.
A year later, the Indian visa police were finally threatening us with jail if we didn’t leave but by that time I had seen a small ad for a meditation course at Kopan monastery. After the philosophical classes at the Library, a course focusing on meditation sounded perfect. Plus I had already met Lama Zopa Rinpoche at Tushita one evening, as well as Lama Yeshe, and of course, was blown away. I had my first meeting with Lama in his ‘A Frame’ at Tushita, and explained that I was in a bit of a confused situation. I was still with Lawrence, was ‘interested’ in one of the students at the Library, but also thought of getting ordained. Lama then told me about ‘my nun, Zina’ who was meditating in the mountains in Nepal and said that I could be like her, but to be gentle and kind about separating from Lawrence.
How the decision was made to take ordination
While walking from McLeod to the Library, sometimes there were small groups of monks and nuns walking in my direction, and I was greatly impressed by how cheerful but peaceful they all appeared to be. I had been told about a puja to be done up at His Holiness’s temple early one morning, so I walked up there and watched from outside. While gazing at the monks and His Holiness chanting, suddenly a kind of ‘voice’ in my mind said, “you can become a nun”. Most likely this was the ‘voice’ of His Holiness.
So during the famous 5th Kopan Meditation course, Lama Yeshe organized for 12 of us to get ordained during the Kalachakra Initiation by His Holiness in Bodhgaya after the course 1n 1974.
The rest is history…
Bodhgaya newly ordained with katas
Tea in a tent with Rinpoche, Anila Ann, Wongmo, Rinpoche’s mother, Chokyi, Ursula and Wangchuk
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What does your day look like?
When I first started living here, in 2004, I would drive an hour to the next town, Tonasket once a week, to teach the new dharma group that then became Pamtingpa Center. But for the past years I’ve stopped ‘going out’ and just stay quietly in my old mobile home here on Rinpoche’s land, Amitaba Buddha Pure Land.
My home here at Amitaba Buddha Pure Land
I’m very fortunate to have the two monks, Tenzin and Tarchin, who take care of Rinpoche’s house and gardens here, and who also take perfect care of me! They ever so kindly do my shopping when they’re already in town for Rinpoche’s houses errands.
At this time those living here at Amitaba Buddha Pure Land are: Tenzin, Tarchin and now Sherab who was one of Rinpoche’s attendants for years, Rene who lives down the road from me, John Jackson who has a small house on the hill above Rinpoche’s house, Holly in the log house and John McKay who is building his small house on the land. Just recently Roger Kunsang settled in to living in Rinpoche’s house.
My day? I get up as early as possible, and try to remember to rejoice that I’m still breathing (I’m 81!).
Then I try to remember that I’m not just ‘complicated, ordinary Wongmo’ as Lama Yeshe advised, but am divine, blissful Vajrayogini.
Then I make a tea for Rinpoche and then myself, take it into my gompa and do my morning prayers and sadhana.
My gompa
After morning practice, I start my day. Now I plan to cut down on internet activity and do more sessions in the gompa. But I do check the FPMT Prayers for the Dead and communicate when necessary.
Then I start the work on The Book. Just after Rinpoche left, I received a message from Education Department that Rinpoche had advised that I write a book, putting together his teachings on emptiness. So I’ve been working on that for the past year and a half or so.
It’s a HUGE project and quite demanding and challenging. It’s not just a matter of editing a talk by Rinpoche, which is quite easy, but pulling out all of Rinpoche’s ways of explaining emptiness that I can find…from decades ago up to the Covid Kopan talks. Then organizing the various examples, meditations, explanations in chapters. Not easy!!
At the same time I study and try to integrate the various Lamrim, Lojong and Vajrayogini commentaries. With a Lamrim session in the afternoon and then the evening session.
I also have my funky old house to manage, and my little porch garden to water in the spring and summer and where I sit with the flower offerings and watch the hummingbirds enjoy their feeder.
For almost two years I’ve stopped having visitors other than the kind monks, Tarchin and Tenzin. They and one kind neighbor help with my house things that I can’t manage to do alone. Rene lives a few minutes down the road, so we chat online and sometimes visit.
My main ‘hobby’ is…animals. I feed ‘my’ mice almost every night by putting out some sunflower seeds, nuts or left over bits of this and that on a little plate on the porch. I have five bird houses where the blue birds and Kingbirds make their nests and have babies in the spring. Rinpoche helped me construct a holy mandala objects area where I circumambulate bugs and mice before releasing them. I’d send a photo of the mandala and Rinpoche would tell me to add more tsatsas as each one was a cause for the animal’s enlightenment.
The mouse and insect mandala
The deer visit and enjoy my garden flowers for their lunch. I got a bit upset about losing my precious flowers but Rinpoche said to rejoice that the deer enjoyed a nice tasty meal.
Sometimes two neighbor doggies like to visit and get lots of love and some mantras
I would love to have a dog, but I don’t have a fenced in area and there are coyotes nearby.
I only go to town for dentist twice a year. Those of us here living a more secluded life here are sooo fortunate to have the kind of help and support to allow this lifestyle.
I’d often attend various pujas for special days and occasions that the monks at Rinpoche house, but now I’m going into more seclusion.
We also do the yearly summer Amitaba Buddha puja that Rinpoche organized around the huge Amitaba Buddha statue, when we invite visitors to enjoy the puja and lunch.
The huge Amitaba Buddha statue that Rinpoche ordered and was sent from Viet Nam.
Offering the precious elephant during the puja
Yangsi Rinpoche attended the puja two years ago and then did a protector dance in full costume
The Pamtingpa Center ladies perform a Tara Dance at the end of the puja
A number of times, Rinpoche was in residence here, which was totally amazing. So I had the unbelievable fortune to spend quite a bit of time with my holy, precious, beloved guru.
Sometimes we’d be invited to lunch at his house or he’d invite us to a restaurant Omak, or to go on a shopping adventure in a nearby town.
Lunch with Rinpoche, Tenzin, Tarchin and Pamtingpa ladies at the Breadline Café in Omak
Outside the Breadline Café in Omak, WA
Rinpoche enjoying a whole pecan pie!
Every night we’d be invited to do have dinner and then watch news and animal shows on TV with Rinpoche. And then do all night protector prayers. Of course the whole time just being in Rinpoche’s presence as well as enjoying anything he said or did, seeing it all as profound teachings and advices.
Rinpoche at the dining table at his house, during Rinpoche’s last visit
The only stressful time here is during fire season. We had a fire up here a few years ago, having to evacuate for almost two weeks. So each summer all we can do is hope and yes…pray for no dry lightning fires to start, although many prayers still need to be done for the other awful fires and all the sentient beings harmed or killed.
I wish I had lived this kind of quiet, secluded life decades ago, but I stayed in India and Nepal for about thirty years- following my gurus, taking teachings, doing some retreats and sometimes teaching in various places in the world. I only go to town for dentist twice a year.
Those of us here living a more secluded life here are soooo fortunate to have the kind of help and support we have here on Rinpoche’s land to allow this lifestyle.
Very soon my days will look a bit different as I’ll basically go offline and try to be even more focused on following my precious guru’s advices.
***
How is your experience different from when first ordained to now?
I’ve gone from a from being a world traveler to inner world traveler.
Also, at my age I’m lucky if I can get to the bathroom, let alone to other countries!
My experience now not only as a nun but as a very old nun is totally affected by my age. Meaning I’ve slowed down, not only physically but in what interests the mind. Am much more attracted to the inner work rather than meeting new people and places, and to understanding the millions of amazing teachings I’m soooo fortunate to have received these past 54 years, and to using this time to focus on writing, reading dharma books, doing the practices and meditations as best as I can.
The present ‘experience as a nun’ compared to the old days has been affected by the existence of the internet. In those old days at Tushita and Kopan, doing retreat was actually much easier without the internet addiction many of us unfortunately have succumbed to. But Mr. Google is also super useful to find answers to dharma questions, especially now with AI.
Also not being a cave/householder in those days made life much simpler. Didn’t have to shop, cook, upkeep a house, pay bills and so on. But having a ‘permanent’ home also has advantages, from living out of a suitcase for so many years, now all my books, holy objects, gompa and so on are in one place. So these past years here at Amitaba Buddha Pure Land I’ve been able to do more studies than when I was moving from Kopan to Tushita to Bodhgaya as well as other countries.
Do you see a difference in the monastics ordaining in the 70s/80s/90s and now?
This is difficult to answer as I don’t meet new monks or nuns due to no longer visiting various centers. But one thing is that again in the ‘old days’, those of us staying at Kopan or Tushita had constant contact with Lama Yeshe and Lama Zopa Rinpoche and saw them as our heart gurus. Many of us attended each of the November Kopan course, the Dharma Celebrations. Of course now most of the newer monks and nuns live in their home countries, or at centers that have resident geshes. Also Kopan has become so different- as Rinpoche told me, it’s now 10-Star. And is more of a monastery run by the monks rather than a home for us western sangha. Most new monks or nuns don’t stay long in the east like we did then, but come for particular teaching or event then go right back to the west.
What has been the most significant benefit of ordaining?
Everything! It literally saved my life. Since childhood, there’s been some karma causing me to attract the guys. Had I not been in robes during my 30’s-to now, goodness only knows what situations I’d have fallen into, for sure with unfortunate outcomes, maybe even having more children! Of course children are lovely, but it means the next 18 years are rather filled up and busy taking care. If I had been living as a householder, it would mean needing a job, not having free time to take teachings, do retreats, dedicate the life to serving others and so on. Would have wasted so much precious time and energy that instead I was able to direct to following my precious gurus. Living with the vows brings such a peaceful, simple life emotionally, especially with the celibacy vow.
What are the challenges to ordination that Westerners should be aware of before considering?
It depends on the person’s age, as the main reason people have disrobed is wanting to connect with a partner. So the person kind of needs to be quite sure that they won’t be continually tempted when meeting a nice people who they feel attracted and connected to and to be clear how to deal with such situations.
The person also needs to be sure to well educate themselves, attend many teachings, practice well, do retreats and so on so they easily find opportunities at centers to do service, teach or whatever. Otherwise they can become a bit lost.
Rinpoche used to advise monastics to study and meditate well on the Lamrim in order to develop strong renunciation and to be able to overcome strong habitual attraction and attachment to what were called sex/drugs and rock n’ roll in the old days …meaning sense pleasures. I’d also advise them to try to constantly remember the amazing advantages of ordination: the ‘skies and oceans of merit’ (even when sleeping), opportunities to take teachings, study, do retreats, serve others and so on that are much more difficult or even impossible to do as a householder. And to rejoice in how unbelievably fortunate you are to be a Buddhist monk or nun, which is becoming more and more rare these days.
What is something you wish you had understood better at the start of the ordination journey, that you learned over time?
When younger and not as dharma educated, I thought I was invincible and could do as I pleased, even if living at a dharma center. I didn’t realize that keeping the vows and mind clean/clear depends a great deal on who you associate closely with and so on. When Lama Yeshe brought us new sangha together in the big upstairs room at Kopan, he created the IMI at that meeting and gave a talk on ordination. There was small fire going in the small fireplace. Lama rolled up a piece of paper and made a gesture of the paper catching on fire, saying that if we get too close to a fire (of attachment, etc) …danger!
Lama also told us to wear donkas with the yellow panels (not all maroon), with a sense of divine pride of being a western IMI monk or nun.
Advice for people starting the process of ordination, or who are newly ordained?
It’s excellent to spend time at our centers in India and Nepal where it’s more ‘normal’ to be in robes and you’re surrounded by elder sangha, holy places, statues etc, and have opportunities to meet realized masters, go on pilgrimages and so on.
If an elder or your mentor gives advice, be careful not to ignore it, thinking you know best which is so easy to do as westerners are used to being independent.
My view is the immense importance of guru devotion. But now with both Lama and Rinpoche not with us as they were in the old days, it’s maybe not as easy to have personal contact and guidance as it was then, especially for very new and upcoming monks and nuns. But whatever rinpoche or geshe a person is devoted to, that is great and must be treasured. Questions and doubts about ordination can be shared with that lama with requests for advice.